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Thank you Lord for Sebastian who prayed with me so sweetly. Thank you Lord for Amelie who invited me to her house and drink tea at my lowest point. Thank you Lord for Dove & Courtney who let me be dramatic and complain. Thank you Lord for all those people who wrote me encouraging messages. Thank you Lord for my classmate who hugged me and let me hysterically cry on her shoulder.
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The trauma of it all didn’t really hit me until one day after the incident (Tuesday). Trauma works like that. Whenever I first wrote the initial blog “Macha,” it had not completely soaked in what had happened. The next morning when I woke up sore, it started to dawn on me. Also, Tuesday morning a friend of mine (who didn’t know what happened) played a “joke” on me by pretending to rob me on the street. After that “joke,” I lost it completely with tears. My heart and mind were absolutely paranoid in that moment. The rest of my day was “pesado” (burdensome, heavy). It is my perspectives now that bother me. I tend to be a bit more pessimistic and firm when I walk the streets. Some people have told me I have to toughen up when out in public. What if I don’t want to? I still want to remain tender and lighthearted, just very smart and alert. Whether or not you agree with my opinion is up to you.
Let me just say with situations like this, God always allows us to learn from them in order to better understand and relate to others with similar experiences. So let me give you a heads start on the matter …
DOs and DONTs of relating to those experiencing trauma…
1.) Stop waiting for people experiencing trauma to initiate their needs. That is stupidity on our part. Sorry but it is. After feeling so vulnerable in the attack or violation, they want someone else to initiate the empathy, conversation, or other forms healing. Be courageous and caring enough to start the hug or the prayer.
2.) Don’t ask the person the empty question, “How are you?” Be more specific. Be sensitive and calm in your tone of voice. If you are just asking to get the latest news, the trauamtized person might want to smack you.
3.) Don’t be so busy that the person feels like a burden taking up your minutes. Make yourself available, or at least look like it.
4.) Give them an outlet to express, complain, or be dramatic. And don’t make them feel guilty in the process, encourage them to do this – it is part of the healing process.
5.) Continue to follow up with them each day for the following week. The situation does not just happen one day, trauma the next, and the third day bada-bing-bada-boom you are 100%. Be an overachiever in compassion.
6.) If the victim finally gets up the nerve to tell you about how he is physically or emotionally hurting, do not respond with, “Just imagine the sufferings of Jesus Christ. That was even more painful.” Absolutely true but unacceptably insensitive. (Christians, honestly, we need to have more genuine empathy. What are we thinking? Or are we thinking?)
Time is the hardest element with any matter of the heart. But God is faithful in every second, don't cha know? MUCHO GUSTO.
*And if you ever see someone being dragged half a block, please don't play the PASSIVE role*
Let me just say with situations like this, God always allows us to learn from them in order to better understand and relate to others with similar experiences. So let me give you a heads start on the matter …
DOs and DONTs of relating to those experiencing trauma…
1.) Stop waiting for people experiencing trauma to initiate their needs. That is stupidity on our part. Sorry but it is. After feeling so vulnerable in the attack or violation, they want someone else to initiate the empathy, conversation, or other forms healing. Be courageous and caring enough to start the hug or the prayer.
2.) Don’t ask the person the empty question, “How are you?” Be more specific. Be sensitive and calm in your tone of voice. If you are just asking to get the latest news, the trauamtized person might want to smack you.
3.) Don’t be so busy that the person feels like a burden taking up your minutes. Make yourself available, or at least look like it.
4.) Give them an outlet to express, complain, or be dramatic. And don’t make them feel guilty in the process, encourage them to do this – it is part of the healing process.
5.) Continue to follow up with them each day for the following week. The situation does not just happen one day, trauma the next, and the third day bada-bing-bada-boom you are 100%. Be an overachiever in compassion.
6.) If the victim finally gets up the nerve to tell you about how he is physically or emotionally hurting, do not respond with, “Just imagine the sufferings of Jesus Christ. That was even more painful.” Absolutely true but unacceptably insensitive. (Christians, honestly, we need to have more genuine empathy. What are we thinking? Or are we thinking?)
Time is the hardest element with any matter of the heart. But God is faithful in every second, don't cha know? MUCHO GUSTO.
*And if you ever see someone being dragged half a block, please don't play the PASSIVE role*
You are such a special person. Based on my experiences with victims, I would say that you have expressed beautifully what people need to know. My love to you, tonight and always.
ReplyDeleteWish I was there. "bada-bing-bada-boom" and then an innocent bystander's palm meets the villain's solar plexus and flips him to the ground in one swift movement when he tries to run past. "Perdoname señorita, está bien? Creo que éste es tuyo."
ReplyDelete